internal dialogue

SHALdo: Well, this is a full circle moment.

Nyasha: Why’d you say that?

S: There was a time when the project was titled The Circle. And the idea was, I’m sat in a circle with a council of self. SHALdo, Nyasha and maybe three others who are still me but just different versions of myself.

N: How do you respond to people who might think that’s a little crazy?

S: It’s internal dialogue. We all do it. Maybe some louder than others, but there’s nothing crazy about it at all. At least not for me. I’m in constant conversation with myself. I voice these ideas. I speak out the words. I even dream up the actions in my head before they play out in ways that others can see. That’s not crazy at all to me.

N: There’s a lot of inward-looking on this project.

S: Absolutely! Particularly with the writing. That’s always the case with my writing! My sister who follows after me is a decade younger so for most of my childhood I was an only child. I was quiet and seemingly shy in my demeanour. I didn’t necessarily have a lot of friends. I was always a little peculiar. Obviously when I was younger I didn’t make much of this and wouldn’t realise until someone mentioned the oddity of how different I was.

N: Different how?

S: Hmmm, semantics perhaps?! Maybe not so much a case of being different, but I was comfortable with my individuality. I didn’t care to fit in or run with the pack. I was comfortable being left when everyone else thought their way was right.

N: Listen man, I’m here playing devil’s advocate. Forgive my skepticism, but you can’t expect me to believe this is your manner of thinking before age 10, because that’s lonely isn’t it?

S: Never lonely, but in many ways I was alone. In that solitude I was able to know myself. So yes, a lot of inward-looking and I didn’t even deep it like you’re assuming. I just liked what I liked and wasn’t moved by the things that my peers might’ve flocked towards.

N: Just hard to believe you can be so young and seemingly so defined in your ways.

S: That’s my DNA. I was usually on my solo-dolo-lonesome and quite content with it. That’s not to say I didn’t have moments of peer pressure. That’s not to say I didn’t have moments of being impressionable. I was still a kid at the end of the day, but I think there were certainly many concretely defined things.

N: Mm-hmm, interesting...

S: If you think that’s crazy, get this. I’ve been in a process of unlearning. I think I was more self-aware as a kid than I am now.

N: SHALdo, stop! We’re products of what we see and hear. Our experiences makeup much of who we are. There’s no way you’re telling me a young, naïve and inexperienced 8 year old or whatever year old SHALdo is more self aware than your 27 year old self.

S: Hmmm

N: Maybe there are things you’ve seen yourself do or say that you’d have initially vowed against. If we aren’t careful, there’s an innocence that is slowly stripped from us with the passing years. That reckless confidence in self and dreams. That untamed and pure passion. That unrelenting hope. That unadulterated joy. Those things may seem to become less and less as we grow, but you’re not telling me that the psychology of a kid is more defined than that of a grown ass man. Shut the front door!

S: Something to think about.

N: Tell me about the project, SHALdo. You said this is your story?

S: Oh no! With this project, I give snapshots only.

N: Why only snapshots.

S: I don’t think I want to be telling my whole story on my debut. I touch on some experiences largely through the lens of how I felt within those moments, but I wasn’t ready to be opening the door to everything. It’s too soon.

N: You’re 27 in a few weeks. There’s wealth of experience there. As far as material goes, I’m sure you have a lot to work with. So when will it be the right time?

S: When I’m ready.

N: What do you need to be ready?

S: To be ready.

N: Would you say this is a bit like the Eminem and Slim Shady interview?

S: As in, this chat, you and I?

N: Yup.

S: No, I try to distance myself from very obvious pop culture references. I’d think this is more like Damudzo Marechera starting House of Hunger interviewing himself.

N: Still the exact same thing, no?

S: Yes, same thing but different reference point. I’m curious and eager to learn. I think there’s more learning in things that aren’t already popular or mainstream. People know Em. People know of Slim Shady, but how many can talk about Dambudzo Marechera? More than that, there are more points of intersection between the late Dambudzo and I. A writer too. A Zimbabwean too. Had a stint in the UK too. Save for raps, what’s my connect to Marshall Mathers? But also, Marechera was just a phenomenal writer. I’ll reference that.

Jeremiah 17:9 says, “the heart is deceitful above all things.” I’ve witnessed this. About myself, I know nothing at all if I don’t care to know God.

N: I hear that. Tell me, why Say My Name?

S: I was thinking something self-titled right, then I was like nah. I thought maybe if it’s self-titled it allows me the opportunity to drop the name SHALdo and just go by Nyasha Tapiwa.

N: You wanted to go by your government?

S: Thought about it.

N: Go on.

S: Yeah, it was a fleeting thought. I never want to have a disconnect between my daily circumstances and my artistic pursuits. I’m very much the same person in my thinking in those 40 hours a week at work as I am when I’m on stage with a command on clicking fingers. The different names may answer to different things but the person behind the name is the same.

N: So SHALdo isn’t a sort of creative cape and mask for you?

S: I’m so glad you asked that. I get annoyed when I’m asked what my real name is, as if SHALdo isn’t a real name. I don’t wear my name like some lucky charm by which I associate my superpowers. Address me by any of my names, and I’m still the same. I don’t need a cape and mask for the proverbial superpowers. If anything, it’s an anointing I must wear, and bathe myself in pressed olives because the powers are God! At my purest, there’s no on and off switch for that. We are who we are, constantly! Who we are is more than our names. More than the things attached and associated to our names.

N: Do you ever think that you can be overly deep and maybe unnecessarily so?

S: You think it’s a forced deep? A kind of pseudo-woke?

N: Sometimes, yes.

S: I can’t be the judge of that. What I’ll say is, I interrogate my own intentions and I do my best to try to always be authentic.

N: You’re obviously going to say that.

S: That’s why I’m not even too keen to talk about it. Character or lack thereof, will always reveal itself right!

N: Right.

S: There’s something that Yasiin Bey once said. Something along the lines of, “speak volumes before I say a single word”. I paraphrase! I want that. For all my love for words, words get in the way.

N: Not only that, but when you’ve got the gift of gab, you may not realise when you become a politician with your own words, maybe even in your own thinking. And it doesn’t always have to be something horrible. That power to shape perceptions and manipulate is definitely there. And all of that can be equally regarded as influence, be it good or bad.

S: You’re right. Let's talk about the project man.

N: Hahah. Let me just ask you this before we go on. It seems to me there’s a wrestling around the subject of identity. A searching perhaps. How well do you think you know yourself, SHALdo?

S: I like to think I know myself and I do, until I learn that I know nothing at all. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “the heart is deceitful above all things.” I’ve witnessed this. About myself, I know nothing at all if I don’t care to know God. I want to know God and because He knows me better than I know myself, it’s safer that I search for myself by first searching for Him. That’s where I’m at.

N: Is that the sentiment you’re driving towards on your single, Dear God?

S: Yes. I was wrestling with God. I was coming to terms with the fact that I’d become mutant to Christianity. Very lukewarm. Only a Christian by name and not my actions. Talking more about God than I talk to God Himself. In the face of any sort of challenge or adversity, I’d be quick to question God. Yet sometimes in my disbelief and sinful ways, I was my own demise. In the sequencing of the project it was very important that Dear God is next to Inconsistent. Inconsistent is bumpy, but unlike Dear God, I’m actually acknowledging my flaws and my desperate need for God. I’m acknowledging that I’m Inconsistent and need Him. Dear God ends in self-boasting rants and worldly aspirations. Whereas Inconsistent is a head bowed and palms opened in petitioned lamentations to be embraced and saved.

N: We’re getting carried away. I don’t think you’ve actually told me why it’s Say My Name?

S: Oh yeah. So I had been thinking of something self-titled considering the deep dive I’d been experiencing in the writing process. The conversations I was having  with myself. It all felt like I was talking about my story. It felt like an autobiography of sorts, but I didn’t want to lead with that. I kept asking myself, how can I get people to just think of my name when they listen to this. If they think poetry, how do I get them to mention my name too. If they think creativity, I want them to say my name. I want them to see the little beautiful quirks about this project and think, wow, SHALdo! I want the project to simply be titled SHALdo without giving it the self-title. How can they say my name? Maybe let me just tell them to say my name!

I want to know what you value. I want to know what you care for. I want to know what you believe.

N: Earlier you said it’s just snapshots, but then again you’re saying you feel like it’s autobiographical. So which is it?

S: Snapshots for sure, but the writing was a deep exploration of core memories and pivotal moments in my life thus far. This is my debut and I’m still young. No way I’m coming out with a project after my name. There’s far too much to learn and accomplish before I can even think of an autobiography. But then of course, in the pieces that I do share, those are some deep and real moments. I'm not holding back on anything and there are tracks that really go the length in tone and feeling. I'm just saying, I'm not personally ready to dedicate an entire album to my whole story. I'm still writing that.

N: I hear it! Is there a particular song you’re most excited about?

S: I like different things from different songs. The last recorded track is usually my favorite, haha. The project is done, but whatever else I’m recording outside of that will be my bump.

N: If you're not gonna take the bait, I'll go fishing. Any favourite feature perhaps?

S: I’ll tell you who didn’t make the project that I was most excited about. Chengeto Brown.

N: Why didn’t she make the project?

S: Just time, honestly. Our times didn’t align and sometimes it’s just not the right time, but I believe we will for sure do some work. She’s a gorgeous soul. For me, it’s always about more than just the art. I get very awkward on first encounters with people, just checking what people’s spirits are on.

N: An energy ting?

S: We interchange energy and spirit. We interchange Universe and God. No! Those aren’t the same. I be checking people’s spirits. Not just energy. I want to know what you value. I want to know what you care for. I want to know what you believe. I want to know what moves you. Beyond your physical, what’s your DNA? Is it love or evil? I want to know what your spirit is made of. I’m no medium or some kind of spirit-police to be here trying to discern people, but I care to know what I’m engaging with. I’m guarded that way! Full disclaimer, I’m not policing anything. I’m not critiquing anything or judging. I just want to know what I’m about to associate with. I think Chengeto is that kind of person too and she’s gorgeous in a million ways!

N: Artists, argh!

S: Hahah, I’m this way even outside of art.

N: A collabo with Chengeto would’ve been fire and she’s a music legacy child, twice over!

S: I didn’t want to approach it that way. I can’t ignore who her legendary parents are, God rest their souls. But she’s her own artist, all on her own and I want to make sure that I engage her with full respect to who she is, all on her own. I'm even humbled by her willingness to even give me the time. She’s phenomenal. We had brief exchanges and she was super warm every time, even when I was blasting her phone with texts. I think we went to the same high school too, not that it matters but yeah.

N: That last part is cringe. I don't expect the high school line from you.

S: Listen, I'm a fan. I'll grab what I can. Hahah.

N: What are you wanting to achieve with this project?

S: Feeling! I want every listener to feel something and take a moment to sit on that feeling and engage with it. But also, I really want a young SHALdo somewhere in Zimbabwe to be inspired. I want him to feel seen and recognise there is room for his voice and all the unique things about his being that he regards as quirks. I think there’s a lot of creativity that’s on display on this project. I don’t think there are many reference points for what I’ve done with this project. I set out to make a Spoken Word album with a lot of melody. I wanted to blur the lines between poetry and music. I think I achieved that. I leaned more towards the music for sure, but overall the project is very different. It’s even seemingly new in terms of how it’s been executed, music production wise. I refuse to accept that there aren’t kids in Zimbabwe today wanting to make music this way. I know there’s someone probably doing it or at least wanting to do it. Perhaps some who are even more creative than I am. I want those people to feel inspired to just go ahead. Go ahead, be different! Go ahead, create that new thing. Go ahead and be daring. Go ahead and challenge the boring norm. Go ahead and be who you are.

N: Go ahead! I like that.

I write vows when I’m lazy to flirt. My thoughts alone could write poetry for her. I want to write for her the way I pray. I’m learning what it means to love her like Christ loved the church. That means to lay my life!

N: There’s so much more I want to talk about. You’re in love! You dream of filmmaking! Namibia! I don’t know if you can kind-of just talk about all these as we conclude?

S: There’s not enough time, but I’ll try. Namibia is quite possibly my favourite place in the world. I know I have a lot more travelling to do before I can conclude on that, but I love the land of the brave. Namibia embraced every creative fibre of my being. It’s where I really became SHALdo. To date, I’ve not been on stages as often as I was in Namibia which is crazy because I’m doing Open Mics a lot again here in mud island. But yeah, that’s that about Namibia. I love that place. This year I was blessed to do a thing in Namibia.

On love, we’d need a separate chat about Tar. That woman is the single most impactful reminder that God loves me. How am I with her? How? How am I blessed to call her my home. I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I’m so set in my ways and sometimes I’m so wrong. Inasmuch as she gets to experience the best of me, she equally sees some of the worst cracks in me in ways noone else does. I’ve seen some shits man and done some shits too. Sometimes those traumas scream, but she holds my pores and breathes life into them. She holds me! I think the most beautiful way you can expressive love for me is to pray for me. Tar is prayer personified, so it’s more than love. And you must understand kuti, as we are healing, we are learning that you should never need someone like a dependency type-ting. That we are whole in and of ourselves, but we want each other and we choose each other. Do you get how gorgeous it is for someone to know kuti, I don’t need you, but I want you and I choose you. That’s God right there! To love and be loved. To choose and be chosen is one of the purest ways that God has shown Himself in my life. I write vows when I’m lazy to flirt. My thoughts alone could write poetry for her. I want to write for her the way I pray. I’m learning what it means to love her like Christ loved the church. That means to lay my life! That’s my heart! That’s my home! I don’t play about my woman. My whole love, Tar!

N: You gotta put a ring on it when you know like this.

S: Ndatotaura pachikuru.

N: Hahah

S: Namibia ‘24, baby!

N: You’d mentioned filmmaking?

S: Creatively, film encompasses everything that I love. Everything! I used to think it’s impossible and too far from my reach to even dream of filmmaking in any capacity, but that’s the dream. That’s one of them things. So much else I want to do, but to get into that world, that’s a dream for sure!

N: That’s why you love Dave Free

S: My biggest inspiration today. That’s that place I want to get to. The Dave thing is even on just a life level. I peep the game and there's a lot I want to emulate even outside of film and creativity. That's pgLang fool! Kendrick and 'em. Bro!

N: Dave Free

S: Food and Beverage!

N: SHALdo, what’s next?

S: Say My Name is out soon. Any support goes a long way. Share it. Like it. Talk about it. Hit me up. If you connect with it or connect with me in any way, don’t let it just end in your head. Engage with me! Really got to build this thing now, and I can't do it alone. I'm committed to the work.

N: Say My Name

S: Yessir! And Nyasha...

N: Yes

S: Thanks for always holding me. For always believing in me.

N: Keep your heart to God. Usatye. Usanete. I love you!